W elcome,
A failed suicide attempt later you have the very ill yet striking double D woman you see back before you. I'm such a loser oh my god.
I felt like my thoughts were all over the place in the last one and they most definitely were,, I’m just excited to finally getting this over with ;;
I found a new diary while looking for my earphones today, I think I’ll use it to draw. Or write, I dunno yet. I do wanna get back into drawing though even if I don’t have as much time as before, I really like looking back at stuff I’ve made. I’m still sad about not finding the folder I kept my favourite art in,, but I also don’t want to ask my mom for help. I miss how things were with my mother.
It’s so loud, I wish it was more peaceful. I can’t concentrate on my thoughts if it’s too loud, sometimes I like it that way though. I made a new playlist today, and danced to it too .. it was so fun. I like being with myself, one day I’ll be completely alone surrounded by animals on a mountain like a monk and I’ll be the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ll lay on the grass when the sun’s up and I’ll stay up late to walk while it's windy.
I need headphones. She’s so loud.
I think I’ll go out for a quick walk soon, if I do I’ll continue writing. I think I’ll be able to write better that way.
Update,, I did go on a walk but my net was ass so I just talked the 'whole' way and recorded it. It's genuinely pissing me off that I can't even see what I'm typing,, maybe I'll switch the host to neko idfk 3:
I finally got my network working again so I can actually see what I'm doing now. I think todays been great so far, I really have no complaints. I fed the street dog that always comes by because it was raining and she looked cold. She left when my uncle showed up though, I'm sad about that, I miss her. She's such a sweetheart. I think I wanna die. Nvm I don't know what I was on about, I love my life.
i like this
i think yesterday was good .. i don't remember much. I had a weird dream today though, I liked it. I feel weak after waking up from my nap 3: anddd im also very grateful for my friends. I really don't like my mom, I don't like the house and I just want to be as far away as I can.
I feel useless today,, I don't know what it is but i just feel like i'm annoying... like the more I talk the more annoying I get. I don't know how to explain it. It's like people only talk to me when they're bored, not because they actually like it, or me. I have bigger things to worry about though, but i dunno, i feel like such a waste today .. i don't like feeling like this. I just want to buy new lashes and do my makeup. I hope I feel better soon, I don't want to ruin a good day,,,, the weathers really pretty too. i hate this day.
I hate my mom so much. so so so much. I want to leave and I want to be far away from here,, as far as possible.
I had my art practicle today, my teacher hinted at me being a slut only about 4 times we're making progress (my hair wasn't tied up) and my mom said she'll break my bones,, we're so back.
It feels like everyone who talks to me only talks to me either out of pity or boredom. I don't like it. I wanna feel like I actually matter. . . I don't think that'll ever happen though,, it's okay,, I just wish the feeling of wanting to be something more would go away.. maybe in the future ?
I don't feel important at all, I want to cry so bad
I want to start off the month nice so I'll say the 1st was good,, as of now, I want to die.
I feel like I always fuck something up somehow . . I do something wrong everytime something goes well. I just want to be important to someone. Please.
I forgot about my practical tmr, I hope it goes well,, I'm scared. .
I don't know why I talk to people when they clearly want nothing to do with me, everyone thinks I'm annoying, I know that but I still can't shut up for some reason. I want to fix myself. I need to shut up. I wanna leave. I was born to be alone but I don't want to be. My head hurts I wanna cry,, I have nothing interesting about me and I feel like I get more annoying to people the more I am myself and the more I talk. I just want one person I can share everything with but I'm scared that that'll never happen.
theyre all lying to u ur own dad didnt love you why would anyone else
my dream was about greek gods and how their relationships are heavily sexualised by the public and how like 5 people came together to fight against that and they had cool powers and were battling each other just to show off to people like what they can do and stuff in a circus rink almost but it was like a kids pen? it reminded me of zzz and the gameplay,, idk what it means tho, maybe its a sign to go against ice
made a new page for my thoughts n poems, i think i like it more than this tbh because its less restrictive (?) ill link it
i love you melvin . . i completed the site
